Winter tends to wear you out slowly but surely. I often notice how people start out winter being very fastidious about how neat and tidy the snow banks are when they shovel their walks, and gradually get more sloppy, especially if the winter starts early and turns into a hard one. People are less fussy about their hair as well, knowing hats will mess it up, and by late February nearly everyone in the market looks like they are having a bad-hair-day. It is harder on the elderly, and, as I age, I increasing understand why Indians described the old as “having seen many winters.” I also understand why people flee to Florida, though in some ways it makes matters worse unless they can stay south until May. People who go down for a week or two may return with wonderful tans, but they completely lose their tolerance for cold, and flinch from winds that don’t seem bad to me, and wear expressions like whining children under their tans.
This year has been a long haul. We got an early storm of wet, heavy snow which formed a sort of enduring primer-coat of frozen ice, and persisted despite a generally mild and kindly January with some thaws. Then, just when we thought we might escape harshness, the winds turned bitter and snows became regular. One big storm put down good snowbanks, and then there were a series of small snows, only 3 or 4 inches, (just enough where you can’t ignore it and must snow-blow the Childcare parking lot). I think the entire month of February has seen only three days when there wasn’t at least a flurry of snow, and those days tended to be bitter cold. It was so cold the snow was seldom sticky enough to roll balls, and for a long time I couldn’t complete an igloo I promiced the children, as I needed sticky snow to roof the tall walls.
I’m starting to feel the long haul of life, as well as the long haul of winter. Not that I am ungrateful to God that I can still do things some of my friends have had to quit, such as shoveling snow or splitting wood, (or making igloos, for that matter), but I am also having some talks with God about how He is eternal and I most definitely am not. Or at least my physical body isn’t.
There is actually a lot of writing about this subject. We mortals don’t need to be perfect to be useful to God. He makes use of cracked pottery, and in fact some of the greater saints suffered “thorns in their flesh.”
This has not kept me from grousing and complaining. Here’s a sonnet describing the sort of battles going on in my head:
LAST LOG SONNET
A rusty old man with a trusty old maul,
I frown at a gnarled log in the woodpile.
It’s defeated me. I gave it my all
But it didn’t split. I grimly smile
To see how I lean on my maul’s handle
And huff and puff. What an old weakling
I’ve become! If I were a candle
I’d be a stub. I should be speaking
Wisdom; not chopping; but I like fresh air
And my wisdom also knows how to attack
A gnarled log. I study the grain with care
And then give the log one more mighty whack.
It flies apart. A pert chickadee
Above cheers an old man’s final victory.

I really do like getting out. It is part of defeating cabin fever, and keeps you from going “shacky whacky”. Also the chickadees really do come to investigate noise, providing there is no wind. They hide from wind, because they are so tiny they can freeze in a matter of minutes. But when it is calm they fearlessly rush towards noise, perhaps because falling trees exposes the bugs and grubs and (most especially) carpenter-ant-eggs they relish.
Besides chopping wood, and carrying it up steep stairs to stack it on the porch, and scrutinizing the shrinking woodpile to see if we’ll make it to spring, there’s plenty of shoveling to do, both at home and at the Childcare. Even trudging behind the snow-blower can make me huff and puff. It’s a grind, and wears you down. All my talk about how sunshine defeats viruses and exercise is good for you gets a bit stale as day follows day. When we finally did see a brief thaw, as a storm cut up to the Great Lakes, putting us on the warm side, it just meant the snow became sticky and I had to huff and puff building the roof for the igloo I promised the kids.

The staff used the slope of the sledding hill to roll down oversized snowballs, and built some creature from a Dr. Suess book, a sort of camel with more than two humps, taller than the children were. I was so achy that the fact the kids still had energy made me shake my head. However, as I took a picture of the snow-camel for the record, I suddenly noticed something.
Check out the two boys sledding past in the background. The boy to the rear of the sled is actually facing backwards, as if a bit jaded. Can it be that even the little children are running out of gas? Can it be winter even wears them down?
I began to think that perhaps part of winter involves NOT going outside, but retiring to a warm cave and hibernating a bit like a bear. Perhaps part of survival (and even spiritual advancement) involves being more inward. Bingo. Time for a sonnet.
It’s too early to think yet of springtime
But I feel the first stirrings of maple’s sap,
While rolling eyes at a pert chickadee’s crime
Of singing “spring soon” too soon. Winds still slap
My face in wincing ways; the day’s all grays
Without color; beauty is dulled; Subdued
Is inspiration; My goal is to laze
Indoors and do nothing. You can supply
The motivation for a change. I’ll sit
And work at slumber. My poetic eye
Will gaze inward as outward views submit
To gray horizons under gray skies.
Inward is where sweetest sap first stirs
And inward is where the house cat purrs.
Of course, just because I decided to rest more did not mean winter would allow it. The brief mild spell, and a quick inch of rain which froze, meant I had to shovel sand onto walkways and the Childcare parking lot. Then a series of three and four inch snows meant I had to trudge behind the snow-blower. The salt on the highways finally rusted my clunker (2001 Subaru Outback) to such a degree that the local garage (usually quite lenient) refused to pass it during an inspection, which meant my new clunker (2000 Jeep Cherokee) had to be dug from a mountain of snow. I couldn’t even rest on Sunday, the Day Of Rest, which always makes me feel like more of a sinner than usual. However man proposes and God disposes. And I did feel a forgiven when I saw a bit of amazing luck. The old Subaru suffered a cracked head which involved it abruptly producing an towering cloud of white steam billowing from the exhaust. And did this happen miles from home? No. It happened at the Childcare, where I could limp it fifty feet to where it stalled, nicely parked. And when did this happen? Exactly thirty seconds after I used it to jump start the Jeep, which had been parked so long it took twenty minutes to get going, for it’s engine turned over like it’s oil was a thick sludge of coagulated molasses. (A member of my staff told me the Subaru died of a broken heart, as I had jilted it for a Jeep.)
At this point I figured I’d made it through the long haul, and could take some time off, but just then a member of my staff called, and I had to cover for them.
Abruptly I found myself going on an unexpected hike. I figured I’d take it slow, and just sort of amble along, but the boys had regained their energy over the weekend. Also there was in places a crust which could support a 40 pound child, but couldn’t support a 155 pound old man. As we crossed a lake where all the powder snow had blown off the crust they scampered about as I had to “break trail”. Worst was they gave me a hard time about huffing and puffing. (I may be old, but I still have a young man’s ego.)
After we had crossed the lake we reached some cattails they boys wanted to cross, but I suggested we follow the nicely packed path made by a snowmobile in a different direction. The boys strenuously objected, so I patiently explained that when all the powder snow blows off a lake, it has to go somewhere, and where it winds up is in the cattails. The snow would be deep. The boys all exclaimed, “Awesome! Let’s do it!” I explained I was huffing and puffing already, and needed an easier trail, but they had no mercy on an old man. So finally I agreed, but I told them I wouldn’t “break trail” for them. They had to “break trail” for me. This sounded reasonable to them, so off we went through the cattails.


I was hoping they might learn deep snow gets tiring, but instead of teaching them they taught me. Two things. First, after sitting around playing video games all weekend boys have energy that is boundless. Second, boys don’t “break trail” very well. After twenty minutes I felt something I haven’t felt in a long time: Panic. I was drenched in sweat despite the chill, and wondering if I might die out there, which would be a very irresponsible thing for a child-care-provider to do. I did make it back alive, with old legs that felt like noodles, but it had started to snow lightly, and they’d changed the forecast from “a coating” of snow to “2-4 inches”.
It was 4 inches, so at the crack of dawn yesterday I was snow-blowing, and promptly broke three sheer-pins on a cobblestone which a car had somehow dislodged in the drive. As I replaced them, naked hands ruby red in the snow, I failed to count my blessings in the recommended manner, and in fact God heard me question the way He created creation. Not that I could do a better job creating the universe, but I had a few recommendations.
I limped home after that, and pretty much spent the rest of the day eating, napping, doing laundry, and sulking. I must have looked pretty sorry for myself when my wife came home from her shift at the Childcare, for she stated I needed to listen to a very sad song. “When You Meet Jesus Please Tell Him To Call Me Home.” Something about the twinkle in her eye hinted it would make me feel better, and I have to confess, at the risk of insulting a very sincere artist, it did make me laugh.
This morning the forecast was for a sunny day with temperatures well above freezing, and I took the dog out at dawn without my jacket on. Bingo. Sonnet time.
Without clouds to light, quite nondescript,
Clean sunrise peeks over the still, washed pines
And gets down to business. Today’s equipped
With light without frills, wholesome light which shines
Without rosy hues; even the roused crows
Seem less raucous: Stroking the silence
With purposeful wings, a black quartet goes
Someplace they and God only knows, from whence
Comes a call. Meanwhile, flitting and peeping
The small birds emerge from where they were hid
From killing winds, and songs that were sleeping
In the cold undo work that winter did
That sought to keep all the music controlled
In chains, that now melt in an ending of cold.
Not that the long haul is over. Some of our biggest storms occur in March. Thee Blizzard Of 1888 gave this area three feet of snow in sixty mph winds on March 17. And this morning I noticed the local road crews weren’t lowering their guard, waiting for the snow to simply melt away.
