“If I’m so brilliant, why am I so stupid?”
I asked my wife that question yesterday, as I shivered. I’d practically frozen myself in pursuit of an idea that awoke me at 4:30 A.M. I’d started typing in the predawn darkness and had to wrench myself away to work at 7:00. It was then I noticed I seemed shaky. Wondered it I was coming down with a fever. Felt pretty weak. My son is just getting over Lyme Disease he got from a tick bite. Wondered if I had it too, remembering I had a tick bite a couple weeks ago. Stopped in at the doctor’s. He took a blood sample to test. My blood pressure was very low, I was four pounds underweight, and my temperature was…95.6°??? That’s not a fever; that’s practically hypothermia!
What a dingbat I am! Of course my metabolism is going to be at low ebb if I attempt to live on coffee alone, and just sit at a typewriter without getting any exercise, and lack even the brains turn up the heat, or wear a sweater, or start a fire in the wood-stove.
Start a fire in the wood-stove? But it’s June! I checked the dashboard thermometer as I drove through the blustery drizzle of day with a purplish-gray overcast. It read 48°. (9° Celsius). At 11:00 A.M. ? In June?
Oh well. Splitting wood is a good way to warm up. Then I bothered feed myself some hot soup. Eventually I stopped shivering, and walking about all clenched up, but it takes a while when you have foolishly allowed yourself to be chilled to the core.
You’d think I’d be old enough to know better. I blame the writing. It is when you think you are most brilliant, that you become most air-headed, most absent-minded, and downright dumb.
So will I stop writing?
No way. But perhaps writers need to be cut down to size on a regular basis. Otherwise they’ll think their brilliant, and become all puffed up. (It’s not they who are brilliant; it’s what they are looking at.)
It’s a cold day in June, but that is how
God made it. Who am I to say it’s wrong?
The newly-leafed boughs are drenched, and they bow
And get in my way. Nasty mist rides strong
East winds from a gray sea that still recalls
Winter’s sea-ice, but who am I to say
This isn’t right? My old teeth split; gray hair falls
Like withered sepals. Lilacs fade away
And tulips look stupid without petals
And I glance up to God. He knows my thought.
There’s no fooling Him. He won’t give medals
For lies. I can only give what I’ve got,
And I think He smiles at my eye-rolling,
Preferring a chat to always controlling.